I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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