I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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