i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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