Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize