found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
