11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
