You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
