Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
