Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
