I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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