I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
