Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize