We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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