I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this just has baby written all over it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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