I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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