don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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