Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
