you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
