she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
