That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I faked an abortion last night.
Say something about gay babies.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
