If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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