The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Houston, we have a blender
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Someone signed my nipple.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
