I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
