i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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