is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize