Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
