sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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