I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
