My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
