Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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