My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
