This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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