When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my poor anus
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
