perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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