i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
