Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
