remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize