i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
