Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
