that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
