Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
