hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
