so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
