im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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