Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
