Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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