I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
