They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
