Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
