so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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