Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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