why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
