1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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