New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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