the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize