She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
