I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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