I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
