conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
