i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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