i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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