Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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