dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
