Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
