he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
