remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
