is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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