Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
