Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
