You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
