You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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