Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
